Yin and Yang

I have come to the conclusion that having twins is somewhat of yin and yang experience in itself. Every twin (or multiple birth for that matter) parent faces the same conundrum - "How I do I nurture my children as individuals, while still nurturing the special and unique bond they have as twins?". I think this is probably especially so of identical twins, or maybe I just think that because my girls are identical. I'm sure parents of fraternal twins still struggle with this one.

I have always tried to ensure that my children are recognised as individuals. With the exception of the ubiquitous white all in one suits as babies, I have always dressed my girls differently (or tried to - some days they prefer to dress the same). Until the unfortunate incident with the scissors they had the same hair cut, but usually styled differently on any given day. I pull up anyone who refers to them as "the twins", although I am guilty myself of more often than not referring to them as "the girls". I encourage people to use their names and I encourage the girls (see, I did it again LOL) to speak up when people call them by the wrong name. By the way, being called by the wrong name is the thing which upsets them the most about being a twin.

This year they started Kindy two days a week. The start of school heralds the question for all twin parents - To Separate or Not To Separate? We decided to keep them together for at least their first year of formal schooling, probably until at least Grade One and then play it by ear. When they started Kindy and parents were asked if there was anything the teacher needed to know about their child, I explained that although they were very close, it was important to us that Paige and Hannah not be treated as a "unit". I also pointed out the issue with the names. It all started swimmingly. All the kids wore name badges, so there was no problem with names. After the name badges came off, sometimes the teacher or the children mixed them up, so they wore necklaces with their initials on for school for a few weeks. The teachers placed their pegs at the opposite ends to each other, and not together. I took this as a good sign.

Last term, the girls came running out of the classroom very excited: "MUM! We got the Surprise Bag!" (surprise bag is a pre-cursor to News - they put something in it and the class has to guess what it is by asking questions). I replied, "Who got the Surprise Bag?", "We both did!" After letting the steam from my ears subside, I approached the teacher and asked which child had the Surprise Bag as surely they were confused. The teacher confirmed that they were to do it together. I expressed my displeasure (gracefully of course, their teacher scares me a little LOL). She agreed and was very apologetic. She explained that it was taking so long to get through all the kids and she wanted to speed it up. Of course, I was still not satisfied. We came to a compromise that each of them could put an object in the bag, but they would do it on the same day. I was still not happy, but I thought my point was made.

Apparently not. Yesterday they both came running out of the class with the familiar cry "MUM! We got the Surprise Bag!". This term, there are 2 children each day doing Surprise Bag. Because one bag was missing that day, the teacher has asked them to share. Sigh...

I had spent the morning being "Kindy Mum". To be honest, it's not really my favourite Mum-task, but the girls love it which makes it well worth a couple of hours of my day off. I watched them in the class room environment. They DO NOT perform as a team. They play with other kids, but check in with each other often. I loved seeing that. What I didn't like seeing was the teacher referring to them as "the twins" on one occasion, and whenever an activity called for kids pairing up, she put them together. Perhaps that was for my benefit - so I could see them both working. Perhaps not. I am a bit torn. I truly feel their teacher is very skilled at her job, and clearly cares for the children. This one issue though weighs heavily on my Twin Mum heart. And it's only Kindy. 13 and a half more years of formal schooling to go...